Going to your first BDSM play party? Here’s some advice to help have a great time!

Parties are on the second Saturday of the month! In order to attend parties, guests and members must RSVP through our discord and have met a moderator. Learn more at: https://minkymn.org/how-to-get-verified-for-minky-parties-and-rsvp/

What is a play party? What can I expect?

A play party is a private event, typically held in a host’s home. Minky leadership sometimes affectionately describes play parties as a “kinky potluck.” There’s a social space to have delicious food brought by everyone attending, and a separate play space or dungeon for scenes. Keep conversation to the social space and play to the dungeon space. Don’t interrupt on-going scenes, don’t ask to join a scene, and don’t approach anyone participating in a scene during or just after. There are no drugs or alcohol at Minky parties.

Play parties are invite-only events–even if you know where a play party is, you don’t show up if you are not invited. Anything that happens at a play party stays there. “Outing” is sharing any details such as the location, the participants, or the activities at the party to anyone who was not present at the party without the express permission of the person(s) involved.

Please take time before the party to familiarize yourself with Minky’s Code of Conduct! By attending, you are agreeing to abide by and respect the CoC. Please pay special attention to the party rules, outing policy, and consent policy. https://minkymn.org/posts/code_of_conduct/

Have questions? Check our Play Party FAQ (https://minkymn.org/party-faq/) or contact the Minky moderation team (Contact Us).

Are you new to kink and BDSM? We have a glossary and guide for BDSM that has a lot of information: https://minkymn.org/glossary-kink-bdsm/

We ask that members bring a potluck food item to share and a $10-20 donation to help cover costs of hosting as possible. Reach out to mods if this entry donation is prohibitive. We typically have a workshop/facilitated discussion at each party, around 8:00 PM. Topics are announced on Discord.

I’m going to my first party and want to do all the things!

We’re excited for you! Everyone was new at one time, so enjoy it while it lasts! Remember that there’s no pressure to be more involved than you want to be, but that you’re also allowed to be exactly as involved as you’d like to be (assuming consenting partners of course)!

The workshop is a great way to get engaged at your first party. Depending on the topic, it may be more presentation-style or open-floor discussion. Come to participate and ask questions, or simply sit and listen. The workshops always take place after the Reading of the Rules which happens at 8pm.

Some people play at their first party, some wait months. It’s all up to you and your comfort level! But, consider sticking to “lighter” scenes until you know how the play party atmosphere affects you. Play parties can be an emotionally charged atmosphere, so it’s best not to add too many confounding factors. Similar to “don’t operate heavy machinery until you know how this medication affects you,” don’t engage in heavy play until you know and feel comfortable in the climate of the party. Great options for a first party experience include the sorts of scenes you regularly do at home, or trying something new but with a light, exploratory tone intentionally avoiding elevated headspaces.

Just remember: kink is not a journey you can or should speed-run. Savor the individual experiences. Take your time dipping your toes in and exploring the sensations, headspaces, and experiences kink and BDSM have to offer.

Can I do a group scene at a party?

Group scenes are a very exciting piece of the kink community. However, please be aware of the following considerations:

  • If this is your first party, we do not advise attempting to organize a group scene. Take time to get used to the party atmosphere, get to know people, make connections, and find people who would like to do that with you.
  • Minky Moderators and the DM on duty should be made aware of the intention behind your scene.
  • The Mod Team is not responsible for facilitating your scene, and the DM on duty has responsibilities besides your scene. If your group scene may involve a bottom being the center of attention, we strongly suggest, and depending on the space and scene we require, someone to be facilitating as “the top” of the scene.

Welcome to your first party! We hope you have a great time!