Minky is a queer Twin Cities-based, sex positive, and body positive kink community geared towards adults aged 18-35. In service of that, party capacity is prioritized to people 18-35 of all identities, and then to trans individuals aged 36+. We are education focused, consent forward, and operate in service of membership of all sexual orientations and gender identities and expressions. Minky facilitates educational workshops, social gatherings, online community, and play parties for our membership.
We believe that safe exploration of sexuality and identity should be available to everyone and we strive to create a community in which members can comfortably, consensually, and safely get to know themselves and their community.
At our core, Minky aspires to be a culture of care: we believe that a commitment to racial justice, gender equity, and sexual freedom do more to determine the safety of communities than a traditional rule-based code of conduct could alone.
Minky makes its membership, leadership, and policy decisions, hosts community gatherings, and throws play parties that are accountable to these values. Additionally, we are committed to developing and hosting educational opportunities for our membership, raising funds and organizing volunteer opportunities for like-minded groups, modeling consent-forward and social justice-informed administration, and engaging in community outreach and service.
The Leadership of Minky Believes:
- sexual expression is an important form of self-expression
- kink can exist both as recreation and resistance
- all bodies are good bodies and all deserve respect and pleasure
- trans men are men
- trans women are women
- non-binary identities are valid identities
- Black lives matter
- white supremacy is violence
- queer love, sex, and family are real, needed, and important
- sex work is real work
- no human is illegal
- it is both our responsibility and a boon to our safety to believe survivors
- from vaccinations to safer sex, our communities are safest and most inclusive when prioritize public health
To attend one of our events or to participate in our community is to agree to uphold and be accountable to the following code of conduct. By attending, you are affirming that you have read this document and understand that you will be held to these club standards.
You can contact the mod team in several different ways! Feel free to reach out with questions about munches, parties, or group or community culture concerns!
- Find us in our discord (Online Community) where you can DM any of the mods directly, or create a support/report or suggestion ticket to the entire mod team.
- You can also email us at firstname.lastname@example.org; the mod team will all receive the email and will work to direct it to the best person to answer your question or concern promptly.
- In order to attend parties, guests and members must RSVP through our discord and have met a moderator. Learn more at: https://minkymn.org/how-to-get-verified-for-minky-parties-and-rsvp/
- If your RSVP is accepted, you will receive an Eventbrite email with the location and rules of the party by the Thursday evening before the event.
- In the event that you are waitlisted for a party, you will not receive communication. Feel free to reach out to verify your waitlist status.
- When addressing club business, Minky leadership speaks as a group. We coordinate our public-facing communication accordingly.
- We monitor our online community and fetlife group for adherence to our community standards and code of conduct. Harmful posts or language will be deleted and addressed. Membership and participation is a privilege and violations of our policies in person and online will be evaluated accordingly.
We host in-person munches the first Sunday of the month. Munches are public, non-play, social events. Our munches are a great place to ask questions, meet a moderator, get vetted for a party, and meet or catch up with friends. It’s a safe space to meet other members of the community, network, and learn about upcoming events. We design them to be low-key, low-pressure, and low-structure. The following apply to in-person munches and, whenever applicable, online munches and virtual hangouts/happy hours.
- We enforce a no outing policy at our munches.
- Dress code is vanilla unless otherwise specified.
- Please be mindful of your volume and the proximity of staff/other guests in conversation, unless the space is clearly separated from vanilla patrons.
- Please refer to the Outing Policy below for more information.
- We ask that whenever possible, attendees support the business hosting our munch
- For attendees 21+, responsible alcohol consumption is allowed at venues that provide the option.
- Drug use is not permitted at munch sites or during the munch
- Don’t be creepy. Our munches are intended to be casual and comfortable social club gatherings, not meet markets.
- If an attendee is making you uncomfortable, let a mod know and we will address the behavior to the best of our abilities.
In order to attend parties, guests and members must RSVP through our discord and have met a moderator. Learn more at: https://minkymn.org/how-to-get-verified-for-minky-parties-and-rsvp/
By attending, you are agreeing to abide by and respect the CoC. Please pay special attention to the party rules, outing policy, and consent policy.
Here’s our Party FAQ: https://minkymn.org/party-faq/
We ask that members bring a potluck food item to share and a $10-20 donation to help cover costs of hosting as possible. Reach out to mods if this entry donation is prohibitive.
We typically have a workshop/facilitated discussion at each party, around 8:00 PM. Topics are announced on Discord.
Before the party
- Discord! – Upon invitation, if you are on our Discord server, you will see a new group of channels related to the month’s party. You can get to know people who are attending prior to the party, discuss what food(s) you are bringing, carpooling options, and plan and share scene ideas/requests! If you didn’t get added to the channels and think you should’ve been, reach out to @Zara or @Sciencesub on discord. If you don’t want to be in these channels for whatever reason, you can ask a mod to remove you.
Arrival/Departure/Smoking Considerations – We take party arrival/departure behavior seriously. We do not wish to out our hosts, inconvenience them or their neighbors, or draw attention from law enforcement. We ask that your arrive in inconspicuous clothing and change into other clothes inside Please transport your toys discreetly Please monitor conversation volume and content when arriving/departing
Each party will have house rules unique to that host. Please read them in your invitation email!
Minky Party Rules:
Minky has an emphasis on providing a safe, positive environment to learn and explore your sexuality. With that in mind, we place very few limits on what you can and can’t do at a party, and we encourage you to ask others about a skill that you see them using (after they are finished with their scene). However, we do treat the following rules very seriously. When in doubt, ask a moderator first.
- Bring Your ID – We will need to see your ID. We can’t make exceptions to let you into the party if you forget your ID, so please make sure to bring it! We understand that the name on your ID may not match your name; ID’s shown to the mod team are kept strictly confidential, and we will have name tags for you to write your name and pronouns.
- COVID-19 Safety – Minky is requiring COVID-19 vaccines to attend our parties. You must be able to prove vaccination status, or you will not be allowed entry to the party. You can show us whatever proof of vaccination you have, such as your physical vaccination card, a photo of the card, or records through an app such as Docket.
In addition, if you are experiencing symptoms of any kind (COVID or otherwise!), please do not attend the party. We do not want to spread anything at our parties, even colds. Contact a moderator to let us know you are sick, and we will not count the no-show against you for future events.
- NO DRUGS OR ALCOHOL – Do not bring drugs or alcohol to the party; you will be removed from the party immediately. You must arrive sober, or you will not be allowed entry.
- No Outing! – Anything that happens at a Minky party stays there. “Outing” is sharing any details such as the location, the participants, or the activities at the party to anyone who was not present at the party without the express permission of the person(s) involved.
Outing is a serious offense, and can lead to job loss, public humiliation, and other serious repercussions. If you out someone and it results in harm to that person, you will be banned from future events. Kink is an extremely personal and vulnerable journey to many people, and it’s important to not broadcast those vulnerabilities to others without permission, even across other Minky spaces.
- Respect the Location and Your Hosts – Please be respectful of the hosts of the party and their home. Clean up your trash and empty cans into the appropriate bins. Take your shoes off at the door/don’t track dirt and salt around the house.
Wear appropriate clothing when outside the dungeon location and in view of non-consenting outsiders. Please keep play to the dungeon area. Clean the equipment you have used as soon as reasonably possible after a scene so that others may use the space. A simple cleaning rule of thumb for most dungeon furniture is that it should be slightly visibly wet after being wiped-down. Cleaning supplies are provided by Minky.
Ask before doing something most people would consider gross or messy (piss, scat, blood, wax, etc.). Minky party rules are to be used in conjunction with the host dungeon’s rules. Whenever the rules conflict, err on the side of the host dungeon’s rules.
- Be Aware of the Risks of Playing – Parties are about having fun, but there is risk inherent in the kind of fun we have. Strive to mitigate issues that may compromise consent, but recognize that all play carries risk. Most of the time when things “go wrong” in BDSM, there was no malicious intent, but the harm and impact is there. Acknowledging this inherent risk is not an excuse to blame someone that is harmed or say they “should’ve known better.” Play with willingness to accept consequences, and to offer support if things go wrong. Minky is not liable for your behavior. However, a DM or Minky moderator may stop your scene if they feel that it is unsafe. They may either ask you to end the scene or continue in a different manner. If you want to try something new, ask someone to teach you or assist you.
- Do Not Interrupt a Scene – It’s not part of BDSM party culture to ask to join a scene that is already going on, or to approach anyone participating in it, as it can pull people out of the headspace they are enjoying and negotiation needs to take place before scenes, not during. Joining a scene without prior negotiation is considered a consent violation. If you see something that looks dangerous or non-consensual, talk to a moderator, but do not interrupt. Keep volume to a minimum in the dungeon; keep socializing to the social area upstairs. Do not get in the way of the flogger, whip, or whatever other implement may be flying about. Whether you are playing or watching, leave space for scenes in the dungeon space.
- No (Uninvited) Touching – Do not touch anyone unless you know it is OK with that person to do so. Do not touch anyone else’s toys without permission. Always ask, even if you get strange looks for being so polite. Remember that the host may have their personal toys on display in the dungeon – this is not an invitation to use them. Do not approach a participant during or immediately after a scene.
- Use Safewords – Safewords do not replace negotiation, communication, and on-going consent during a scene, as they are typically used after a problem has already happened and are unreliable as BDSM activities can trigger a physiological fight-flight-or-freeze response. However, please recognize the use of safewords. People often use the stop light system of: Green (“This is good, keep going!”), Yellow (“Stop what you’re doing, I need a break, come check in with me”), Red (“Stop everything now, scene over”). Some Minky members also use “beige” to mean “is that all you’ve got? I’m so bored.” There are also non-verbal safewords, such as tapping out or dropping keys on the ground.
Play at Parties
- There will always be a designated Dungeon Monitor (or ‘DM’) managing the play space at any Minky party. The DM will typically only step in if safety, party rules, or community standards are in jeopardy, either for those in a scene or for those observing. The DM is also there to act as a resource for specific play-based questions, to ensure space is being shared, and to monitor the general tone of the room (lighting, music, volume, traffic).
- Penetrative sexual play is allowed. Safer sex practices are encouraged and a selection of safer sex materials are available in play spaces. If you have specific preferences or requirements for particular safer sex supplies, please bring your own.
- Always take precautions to reduce the risk of damaging bedding, furniture, carpeting, etc. When in doubt about how to use or protect a certain space, check with a DM. Members may be held responsible for any damages that result from negligent or careless behavior.
- Always dispose of any trash produced in a scene, and use disinfectant wipes to clean surfaces after you are done
- Always check with hosts and/or moderators individually about scenes that will create a mess, use an unusual amount of space, or require nearby players to be more aware i.e. body fluid concerns, bloodplay, wax play, splash, water, fireplay, knives, etc.
- If your scene focuses around elements that, outside of negotiated kink, would go against our We Believe or Safer Space Commitment statements, check in with the DM before you begin. Examples of scenes which require this consideration include race-play, and rape roleplay. Depending on the space, you may be asked to change plans, scene in a specific space, adjust your volume, or save your scene for elsewhere.
- No firearms are permitted at any party, carried personally or as part of a scene.
Safer Space Commitment
Minky is committed to the formation and protection of safer spaces for all of us to explore our identities and sexualities together. We are a queer, trauma-informed, and diverse membership and our club values reflect that.
We do not tolerate expressions of transphobia, racism, sexism, homophobia, ableism, body shaming, or disparagement of consent culture. We understand that many of us play at the edges of these dark social forces, using taboo to reclaim social hurts, but we assert that non-negotiated expressions of this nature will be handled as violations of our code of conduct.
If another member’s communication or actions at or outside of a Minky event have made you feel unsafe, please feel free to approach a Moderator in person, on discord, or via email to review how we might address your concern.
For many of us, individual and community discretion is a central component of our safety to participate in kink activities and practices. Outing can result in grievous personal, professional, and familial harm. We judge infractions on a case by case basis, but outing can include:
- Calling people by scene/fet names in public settings, or using real names without permission in community spaces. This extends to the use of traditional vs. kink social media.
- Sharing the location of a party with someone who hasn’t received an invitation.
- Discussing events or attendees of a party or munch using identifying details with someone who wasn’t present at the party or munch.
- Exposing without consent someone’s medical or STI statuses.
- Tagging someone in pictures without permission, or posting pictures without express consent.
- Sharing the locations of party host homes or the names of our hosts.
- Discussing or flagging kink or sexuality in public spaces in a way that could be overheard or observed by outside parties.
- Outing someone for having once presented as a different gender identity without permission.
Outing is taken extremely seriously within BDSM; if you out someone and it results in harm to that person, you will be banned from future events.
Relationships and Minky
We cannot mediate relationship issues, unless there is a consent violation or a safety issue that requires us to intervene. You are encouraged to resolve relationship concerns on your own time, and expected to behave in a mature manner with relationship partners past or current while in our spaces.
Minky Membership Bans, Suspensions, and Disciplinary Measures
Minky Membership can be removed at any time by Minky leadership. Minky Members are bound by our code of conduct, rules, moderation decisions, cultural standards, consent policy, “We Believe” statement and safer space commitment. Violation of any of the aforementioned, or actions representing a danger or damage to our group members or group culture, may result in removal of Minky Member status, suspension from group activities, and other disciplinary measures. Minky is under no obligation or requirements to allow membership to any individual, and may remove Minky Member status, suspend from group activities, or enact other disciplinary measures, for any reason we deem necessary, with or without explanation being provided.
Minky is a consent-forward club committed to the development of a safe, inclusive, trauma-informed, and consent-based culture. minky policy dictates that leadership believe and support our reporters/survivors. We hold as a central value that to do so helps keep not only our survivors but our whole community safer. Our consent policy is a standard to which we hold our membership in any interaction. Reports of violations at Minky events, in Minky’s online spaces, and in private interactions can all result in moderator intervention and action. As is the case in any private club, attending Minky events is a privilege, not a right, and we reserve the right to limit access as necessary. Violation of the consent policy may result in expulsion from an event or the group. No member, moderator, host, or guest is exempt from the following rules.
Minky’s Consent Policy
- Never touch people or personal property without explicit permission.
- Do not engage in verbal role-play, honorifics or name-calling unless you have express permission. For example, don’t use honorifics like “sir” or “miss” or titles like “slave,” “mistress,” or “daddy” to refer to yourself during a scene or to refer to others unless you have negotiated consent to use them.
- Negotiate the scope of your scene prior to play. Before the scene begins, it must be clear to everyone participating in the scene that all parties have given consent to all proposed acts.
- Know and communicate your personal risk profile. Allow all participants, be they top or bottom, to make an informed personal risk assessment in regards to what risks they are accepting by playing with you. If your specific risk factors for a scene place extraordinary or special risk onto participants and those risks are not communicated during negotiation, that may be a violation of consent regardless of if the scene goes well or not. Each participant is responsible for ensuring to the best of their ability that everyone involved has the mental and emotional ability for informed enthusiastic consent.
- Participants can withdraw consent, make a nonverbal safesign, or use the universal safeword “Red” at any time. Once consent is withdrawn, the activity must stop immediately. Dungeon Monitors (DMs) will be enforcing immediate cessation of play at “Red” or another safeword that has been previously shared with the event’s monitors. Partners are responsible for sharing which safewords or safesigns are being used. Let the DM know if you are using a non-standard or non-verbal safe word.
- We advise against renegotiating at any point during a scene. There is an elevated risk for compromised consent when in an altered state of mind such as subspace, domspace, or fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. During a scene, “negotiating up” in a way that trespasses a partner’s boundaries, from the top or the bottom, will be considered a consent violation if it is reported as a violation to the organization, and will be handled accordingly.
- If your consent is violated at an event, we invite you to tell a DM or another moderator as you feel comfortable doing so. Swift action can be taken at the behest of the reporter. Violation of the consent policy may result in immediate action, up to and including expulsion from the event and/or group.
- If your consent is violated by a member or someone outside of Minky and you wish to reach out:
- At an event: tell a DM or other moderator. We will work with you towards re-establishing safety and comfort. Depending on the situation, we may request a follow-up report after the fact.
- Outside of one of our events: Please contact us by Discord DM or email at email@example.com with pertinent information. We will confirm we received your email. We may have follow up questions for you in order to determine your and our community’s safety and to then determine our best course of action.
- We understand that processing a violation can take time. There is no time limit on how long you can wait to reach out to Minky leadership.
- Upon receiving a consent violation, we will support the injured party in asking what course of action will make them feel safe in our space, and based on the information we receive we will communicate our decision to the violating party; up to and including expulsion from the group.
- Harassment or bullying of any kind is not permitted. If you harass a member or moderator in person, on our online community, in personal communication, or on Fetlife, you are in violation of our community standards and consent policy, and the situation will be evaluated on a case-by-case basis.
- While every reasonable effort will be made to enforce this policy, this organization makes no representations or guarantees about its ability to do so, and all participants/attendees retain full, sole responsibility for their safety and the safety of others with whom they interact.