Member and Guest Code of Conduct

Member and Guest Code of Conduct

Mission Statement

minky is a Twin Cities based queer-inclusive, sex positive, and body positive kink community of adults aged 18-35. We are education focused, consent forward, and operate in service of membership of all sexual orientations and gender identities and expressions. We believe that safe sexual exploration and identity should be available to everyone and we strive to create a community in which members can comfortably, consensually, and safely get to know themselves and their community. At our core, minky aspires to be a culture of care: we believe that a commitment to racial justice, gender equity, and sexual freedom do more to determine the safety of communities than a traditional rule-based code of conduct could alone. minky makes its membership, leadership, and policy decisions, hosts community gatherings, and throws play parties that are accountable to these values. Additionally, we are committed to developing and hosting educational opportunities for our membership, raising funds and organizing volunteer opportunities for like-minded groups, modeling consent-forward and social justice-informed administration, and engaging in community outreach and service.

The Leadership of minky Believes:

  • sexual expression is an important form of self-expression
  • kink can exist both as recreation and resistance
  • all bodies are good bodies and all deserve respect and pleasure
  • trans men are men
  • trans women are women
  • non-binary identities are valid identities
  • Black lives matter
  • white supremacy is violence
  • queer love, sex, and family are real, needed, and important
  • sex work is real work
  • no human is illegal
  • it is both our responsibility and a boon to our safety to believe survivors
  • from vaccinations to safer sex, our communities are safest and most inclusive when prioritize public health


To attend one of our events or to participate in our community is to agree to uphold and be accountable to the following code of conduct. By attending, you are affirming that you have read this document and understand that you will be held to these club standards.


Contacting Moderators

  • If you have questions or feedback for moderators, the best place to reach us is [email protected].
  • All email to is considered official club communication

Party Communication

The following applies when leadership deems it safe to throw IRL parties.

  • In order to attend one of our parties, you must RSVP on our website pending reservation approval. You can RSVP once you are registered with our Discord. If you have questions about our online community or registration, please check our Discord.
  • If your RSVP is accepted, you will receive an Eventbrite email with the location and rules of the party by the Thursday evening before the event.
  • In the event that you are waitlisted for a party, you will not receive communication. Feel free to reach out to verify your waitlist status.

Public-Facing Communication

  • When addressing club business, minky leadership speaks as a group. We coordinate our public-facing communication accordingly.
  • We monitor our online community and fetlife group for adherence to our community standards and code of conduct. Harmful posts or language will be deleted and addressed. Membership and participation is a privilege and violations of our policies in person and online will be evaluated accordingly.


When it is safe to do so, we host in-person munches the last Sunday of the month. Munches are public, non-play, social events. Our munches are a great place to ask questions, meet a moderator, get vetted for a party, and meet or catch up with friends. It’s a safe space to meet other members of the community, network, and learn about upcoming events. We design them to be low-key, low-pressure, and low-structure. The following apply to IRL munches and, whenever applicable, remote/online munches.

  • We enforce a no outing policy at our munches.
    • Dress code is vanilla unless otherwise specified.
    • Please be mindful of your volume and the proximity of staff/other guests in conversation, unless the space is clearly separated from vanilla patrons.
    • Please refer to the Outing Policy below for more information.
  • We ask that whenever possible, attendees support the business hosting our munch
  • For attendees 21+, responsible alcohol consumption is allowed at venues that provide the option.
  • Illicit drug use is not permitted at munch sites or during the munch
  • Don’t be creepy. Our munches are intended to be casual and comfortable social club gatherings, not meet markets.
  • If an attendee is making you uncomfortable, let a mod know and we will address the behavior to the best of our abilities.


The below party rules apply when leadership deems it safe to host in-person parties,in accordance with public health recommendations. Most months, minky hosts a private play event for our membership. Consensual sex and play are both allowed and encouraged at our get togethers. We work with hosts to accommodate these parties in their homes. As such, some specific party rules will vary location to location. Please review your RSVP confirmation emails to check specific hosts’ rules before each event.

General Party Considerations

  • In order to attend parties, guests and members must RSVP through our discord and have met a moderator. Guests of members must also have met a moderator.
  • To ensure our consent policy, protect our hosts, and limit liability, there is to be no alcohol or illicit drug use by members or moderators during the party, on site or off. Do not arrive impaired or you will be barred entry.
  • We take party arrival/departure behavior seriously. We do not wish to out our hosts, inconvenience them or their neighbors, or draw attention from law enforcement. The below rules also apply if/when outside smoking:
    • We ask that your arrive in inconspicuous clothing and change into play clothes inside
    • Please transport your toys discreetly
    • Please monitor conversation volume and content when arriving/departing
  • We ask that members bring a potluck food item to share and a $5 donation to help cover costs of hosting as possible. Reach out to mods if this entry donation is prohibitive.
  • Please read the RSVP email you receive prior to any given party carefully. It will contain information about pets at the party site, space-specific party rules and concerns, and information about any special events that might occur at the party.
  • minky provides non-alcoholic beverages at parties. We go through A LOT of cans of soda. Please be mindful of designated recycling vs. garbage cans.

Play at Parties

  • There will always be a designated Dungeon Monitor (or ‘DM’) managing the play space at any minky party. The DM will typically only step in if safety, party rules, or community standards are in jeopardy, either for those in a scene or for those observing. The DM is also there to act as a resource for specific play-based questions, to ensure space is being shared, and to monitor the general tone of the room (lighting, music, volume, traffic).
  • Penetrative sexual play is allowed. Safer sex practices are encouraged and a selection of safer sex materials are available in play spaces. If you have specific preferences or requirements for particular safer sex supplies, please bring your own.
  • Always take precautions to reduce the risk of damaging bedding, furniture, carpeting, etc. When in doubt about how to use or protect a certain space, check with a DM. Members may be held responsible for any damages that result from negligent or careless behavior.
  • Always dispose of any trash produced in a scene, and use disinfectant wipes to clean surfaces after you are done
  • Physical and emotional edgeplay both require a degree of situational and emotional awareness and sensitivity. We expect consideration, communication, and planning from members interested in scenes that could result in physical damage to the space and/or emotional damage to bystanders.
  • Always check with hosts and/or moderators individually about scenes that will create a mess, use an unusual amount of space, or require nearby players to be more aware i.e. body fluid concerns, bloodplay, wax play, splash, water, fireplay, knives, etc.
  • If your scene has the possibility to cause emotional distress to those sharing the space, check in with the DM about protocol before you begin sceneing. Examples of scenes which require this consideration include heavy consensual non-consent, visually triggering or traumatizing play, and race play. Depending on the space, you may be asked to change plans, scene in a specific space, adjust your volume, or save your scene for elsewhere.
  • No firearms are permitted at any party, carried personally or as part of a scene.


Safer Space Commitment

minky is committed to the formation and protection of a safer space for all of us to explore our sexualities and proclivities together. We are a queer-inclusive, trauma-informed, and diverse membership and our club values reflect that.

We do not tolerate expressions of transphobia, racism, sexism, homophobia, ableism, body shaming, or disparagement of consent culture. We understand that in many ways we play at the edges of these dark social forces, using taboo to reclaim social hurts, but we assert that out-of-scene and non-negotiated expressions of this nature will be handled as violations of our code of conduct. Please see our consent policy below and note above on emotional edgeplay for further information.

If another member’s communication or actions at or outside of a minky event or forum have made you feel unsafe, please feel free to approach a Moderator in person or via email to review how we might address your concern.

Outing Policy

For many of us, individual and community discretion is a central component of our safety to participate in kink activities and practices. As such, we take instances of “outing” very seriously. Outing can result in grievous personal, professional, and familial harm. We judge infractions on a case by case basis, but outing can include:

  • Calling people by scene/fet names in public settings, using vanilla names w/out permission in community circumstances. This extends to use of vanilla vs. fetish social media
  • Sharing the location of a party with someone who hasn’t received an invitation
  • Discussing events or attendees of a party or munch using identifying details with a party who wasn’t present at the party or munch
  • Exposing without consent someone’s medical or STI status
  • Tagging someone in pictures, or posting pictures without express consent
  • Sharing the locations of party host homes or the names of our hosts
  • Discussing or flagging kink or sexuality in vanilla space in a way that could be overheard or observed by outside parties
  • Outing someone for having once presented as a different gender identity without permission


minky is a consent-forward club committed to the development of a safe, inclusive, trauma-informed, and consent-based culture. minky policy dictates that leadership believe and support our reporters/survivors. We hold as a central value that to do so helps keep not only our survivors but our whole community safer. Our consent policy is a standard to which we hold our membership in any interaction. Reports of violations at minky events, in minky’s online spaces, and in private interactions can all result in moderator intervention and action. As is the case in any private club, attending minky events is a privilege, not a right, and we reserve the right to limit access as necessary. Violation of the consent policy may result in expulsion from an event or the group. No member, moderator, host, or guest is exempt from the following rules.

  1. Never touch people or personal property without explicit permission.

  2. Do not engage in verbal role-play unless you have express permission. For example, don’t address someone as “mistress” or “slave” or by any other role-play word unless you’ve asked permission.

  3. Negotiate the scope of your scene prior to play. Before the scene begins, it must be clear to everyone participating in the scene that all parties have given consent to all proposed acts.

  4. Each participant is responsible for ensuring that everyone involved has the mental and emotional ability to give informed and voluntary consent during their negotiation for the scene. minky does not allow alcohol or illicit drug use at our play events.

  5. Participants can withdraw consent, make a nonverbal safesign, or use the universal safeword “Red” at any time. Once consent is withdrawn, the activity must stop immediately. Dungeon Monitors (DMs) will be enforcing immediate cessation of play at “Red” or another safeword that has been previously shared with the event’s monitors. Partners are responsible for sharing which safewords or safesigns are being used. Let the DM know if you are using a non-standard or non-verbal safe word.

  6. We advise against re-negotiating at any point during a scene. When a person is in subspace or otherwise not in a clear state of mind, informed consent can be compromised. Such renegotiation takes place at the risk of a consent violation. Trespassing a partner’s boundaries in such a way will be considered a consent violation if said partner reports a violation to the organization, and will be handled accordingly.

  7. If your consent is violated at an event, we invite you to tell a DM or another moderator as you feel comfortable doing so. Swift action can be taken at the behest of the reporter. Violation of the consent policy may result in immediate action, up to and including expulsion from the event and/or group.

  8. If your consent is violated by a member and you wish to reach out:
    a. At an event: tell a DM or other moderator. We will work with you towards re-establishing safety and comfort. Depending on the situation, we may request a follow-up report after the fact.

    b. Outside of one of our events: Please contact us by email at [email protected] with pertinent information. We will confirm we received your email. We may have follow up questions for you in order to determine your and our community’s safety and to then determine our best course of action.

    c. We understand that processing a violation can take time. There is no time limit on how long you can wait to reach out to minky leadership.

  9. Upon receiving a consent violation, we will support the injured party in asking what course of action will make them feel safe in our space, and based on the information we receive we will communicate our decision to the violating party; up to and including expulsion from the group.

  10. Harassment or bullying of any kind is not permitted. If you harass a member or moderator in person, on our online community, in personal communication, or on Fetlife, you are in violation of our community standards and consent policy, and the situation will be evaluated on a case-by-case basis.

  11. While every reasonable effort will be made to enforce this policy, this organization makes no representations or guarantees about its ability to do so, and all participants/attendees retain full, sole responsibility for their safety and the safety of others with whom they interact.