Minky’s Play Party FAQ!
Have a question not answered here? Contact the Minky moderation team (Contact Us).
Going to your first party? Read some advice we have here: https://minkymn.org/first-play-party-tips-advice/
Are you new to kink and BDSM? We have a glossary and guide for BDSM that has a lot of information: https://minkymn.org/glossary-kink-bdsm/
Parties are on the second Saturday of the month! In order to attend parties, guests and members must RSVP through our discord and have met a moderator. Learn more at: https://minkymn.org/how-to-get-verified-for-minky-parties-and-rsvp/
Before the party questions
Q1: So… what happens at parties?
A: Play parties are a relaxed atmosphere split between a social area with food and socializing and play space in the dungeon. In the social area you can eat and chat and negotiate play with others, and in the dungeon space you can watch scenes and play! Parties are a no pressure atmosphere–you can engage and play as much or as little as you like. It’s also worth mentioning that our play parties do not allow any drugs or alcohol. You can read more here (https://minkymn.org/parties/), and full rules for the location will be sent with invitations.
Q2: I use [insert drug here] to manage my chronic pain. Can I take it at the party?
A: No. Minky does not allow drugs or alcohol at our parties or non-play social events. If you bring either of these, you will be removed. You must arrive sober, or you will be denied entry.
Differences between THC and CBD products are often extremely subtle and even confusing. In an effort to avoid ambiguity, we have decided not to allow either of these at our private events. If you are using these products medicinally, you should do so at home.
At best, any drug use (including prescription/OTC usage) complicates negotiation. At worst, consent can be nullified. Additionally, we do not want anyone to be exposed to drug use who did not wish to see it. The Minky Mods are extremely focused on harm reduction, and our decision is fully based in that value.
We also strongly recommend bringing up chronic or acute conditions and how you are managing them that day whenever negotiating a scene.
Q3: Why do I need to include the first and last name on my ID with my RSVP?
A: We host adult parties and, like most adult spaces, we ID at the door. If you are trans and your name does not match your ID, please feel welcome to RSVP at the top with your name. There is a second field, required for everyone, to confirm the first and last name on your ID. This information is only used by the mod team to check ID and is kept confidential; we have nametags at the door to write your name (or scene name) and pronouns.
Q4: What time should I arrive?
A: Most people arrive between 7 and 8pm. We usually do a Reading of the Rules around 8pm and is followed by the monthly discussion/workshop.
Q5: Do I have to stay the entire time?
A: Nope! The party goes from 7pm-1am, but you can attend as much or as little of the party as you want. The busiest hours of the party are usually 8pm-midnight.
Q6: I can come early to help set up!
A: That’s really nice of you, but please ask a moderator first. We appreciate the help, but sometimes end up with a “too many cooks” situation.
Q7: What is your COVID-19 vaccination policy?
A: Minky does not require proof of vaccinations to attend our parties, because proof of vaccination is no longer being provided along with shots and boosters. We still strongly recommend everyone be vaccinated for COVID-19, the flu, and any other vaccinations recommended by your healthcare provider.
Q8: I think I’m feeling sick. What should I do?
A: If you are experiencing infectious illness symptoms of any kind, please do not attend the party. We do not wish our parties to become super-spreader events, even if it’s “just a cold”. Contact a moderator to let us know you are sick, and we will not count the no-show against you for future events.
Minky has basic surgical masks available for use should anyone need one.
Q9: What is the entrance fee?
A: Unless otherwise specified, we ask for a $10-20 donation per person. This covers the cost of drinks, plates, napkins, safer sex supplies, gifts for the hosts, and more. Minky’s monthly operating budget is right around $300, but the more we bring in, the more we can reinvest in the group, including hosting events like educational workshops. Minky operates on a sliding scale; if this donation is prohibitive to you, please contact a moderator.
Q10: What should I bring to the potluck?
A: Check out the #potluck-food channel for ideas and discussions!
People sometimes feel guilty for “only grabbing a bag of chips”, but that is equally important to a good potluck as pizza, fried chicken, or a salad. Please bring whatever you feel comfortable providing, and do not spend more than you are able.
When it comes to serving size, you should aim to feed 10-30. More niche options (like a curry or pasta) won’t attract everyone the way a baked dessert will. Attendees will also be dishing up smaller portions so a meal designed to feed 6 at home might feed 12-15 at a party. If your food is served in pieces, please pre-cut serving sizes.
Q11: What else should I bring?
A: You should bring your own toys of course–whatever you like to play with at a party. We will have latex condoms/nitrile gloves/cleaning supplies, but you should provide your own lube/other condoms if you need them.
Pick-up games (anything that is easy to join/drop out, as well as taught in just a few minutes) are great. Some people like to bring crafts (embroidery/coloring books/chain mail) to do while hanging out with people.
Q12: Should I bring first aid stuff?
A: It’s always great to throw some basic supplies into your toy bag! We have a supply kit for parties to cover most basic emergency needs, that anyone is allowed to use. It has ibuprofen, acetaminophen, Benadryl, Tums, tampons, and pads. We also have an actual first aid kit with bandages, gauze, safety shears, etc.
Q13: What happens if there’s a medical emergency?
A: If you believe someone at the party is experiencing a medical emergency, please alert the Moderator team immediately. Many members of the Minky Mod team are first responder/CPR certified, and are qualified to jump in to an emergency. We will render first aid and make an assessment alongside the host with regard to calling for emergency medical assistance. Please do not call 911 yourself.
Q14: I RSVP’d but now I can’t go!
A: Just let one of our moderators know! Life has a way of being life and is not always predictable. We simply ask that you can let us know ASAP if your plans change/make you unable to attend.
Q15: What should I wear to the party? Is there a dress code?
A: We have seen every level of dress at parties. T-shirt/jeans. Sundresses. Full suit and tie. Evening ball gown. Leather. Full-body latex. Lingerie. Corsets. Even pajamas. In short: wear what makes you feel comfortable and confident! Remember that parties can be close quarters, even if you aren’t sceneing. Attendees are expected to be present with proper hygiene. Please arrive clean, and wear deodorant but do not pour on too much perfume/cologne.
It’s also a good idea to bring a comfortable change of clothes in case you need them. You might get tired of the ensemble you put together, or might just be overstimmed. Having comfortable clothes can be a game changer.
Some parties have an unofficial theme for outfits that is encouraged for people who want to partake, but not required. These themes will be included in the invite email.
At the party questions
Q16: How do I knock? Is there a secret handshake?
A: The front door will usually be shut for privacy, but will be unlocked during party hours. Please do not knock or ring the doorbell!
Q17: What do I do with my coat, shoes, and toybag?
A: We do our best to provide house tours if you haven’t been to the location before, but keep the following in mind!
Shoes: Please take shoes off at the door. If you are going to wear shoes inside, please ensure they are indoor-only shoes and clean.
Coats: Depending on the host, coats may be stored by the door, or in a designated room. Ask if you’re not sure!
Toybags: Depending on the host, you’ll either put it in a designated room, or there will be space in the dungeon areas to put your bag down. Again, just ask a mod if you need help!
Q18: I have a great party game that I want to bring!
A: That’s wonderful! Please be aware of the following considerations:
- If your game is for the social space, it cannot involve sexual/kinky activities.
- If the game is for the dungeon, please be conscious of the noise level and disruptions to fellow attendees.
- If you’re unsure if the game would work, ask a moderator!
Q19: My partner and I want some privacy. Can we shut the door?
A: No. All doors stay open during the party. This is both for your safety and for effective moderation of the space. You can close bathroom doors when you are actively toileting in non-scene ways.
Q20: I want to reserve a certain piece of equipment for a scene I have. How can I do that?
A: Our dungeon spaces operate on a first come first serve model. That said, in our party-scene-planning chat, you may see:
- Large group scenes requesting equipment for a specific time. These scenes should be cleared and approved by moderators.
- Minky Leadership (Moderators and Associates) placing hold on a piece of equipment, as we have to schedule our nights around our working hours.
Moderators will ask you to move if you are using a space that has been reserved.
Additionally, please do not sit on the kink furniture and allow others the space to scene.
Q21: What about sexual wellness testing?
A: Minky often trends a little more sexual than many BDSM parties do. It’s normal and okay to ask someone to see a test result, and also normal and okay to bring test results (or digital records) to a party. Sexual health is not something to stigmatize or hide from and everyone should be getting tested frequently. Flatly lying about STI status can be a consent violation and sometimes illegal.
Our outing policy in our code of conduct (https://minkymn.org/code_of_conduct/) does include STI status:
Exposing without consent someone’s medical or STI status
So if someone shares that with you, it’s not something to just consider public knowledge and share with others.
Minky does also provide an assortment of safer sex supplies at parties including condoms, gloves, and lube.
Q22: Aftercare at parties?
A: There are two major party spaces: the social space, which is divided into living room and kitchen, and dungeon space, which has play furniture and sofas. People typically cuddle/relax on the sofas in the basement until they’re feeling good. It’s also expected that if you are using aftercare space, but not in aftercare, to give up the space to someone who needs it.
Q23: Something happened to me. I feel bad because I don’t want the person to get banned, but I was hurt. What do I do?
A: The mod team is here for you. If and when you feel comfortable, you can reach out to anyone on the mod team. We will listen and validate your feelings and talk about the best course of action that makes you feel safe again and prevents further harm. There is no time limit on reporting something that has happened to you.
Support tickets are there for support, big and small. A support ticket creates a private channel between you and the whole Mod Team. We can help you navigate lots of different social challenges in addition to providing support for consent violations. We can’t mediate personal relationship problems, but we often get contacted about small issues that happen in scenes or play at Minky or otherwise by members wanting advice on how to prevent the same issue in the future, or how to communicate the issue–and we’re always happy to help with harm prevention and advice before something is a “big support ticket,” too!